5 Ways to Increase Your Willpower
Feb 14, 2019WHAT IS WILLPOWER?
Willpower is one of those concepts that affects the quality of our life deeply and virtually none of us have learned how to master.
We claim that we want to start a diet, lose weight, make more sales calls at work, keep our date night scheduled on a weekly basis, keep our temper under control, and more. Yet, we so easily tend to fall back into old habits. Why?
The answer is incredibly interesting and consequential.
Let's start with getting clear on our definition. What is willpower anyway? It seems to be one of those concepts that everyone understands yet no one can define.
Let's try anyway.
The definition of willpower that I find to be the most useful is "the ability to delay short term gratification for long term gain."
Perhaps better still would be "the ability to act in accordance with your values when your impulses conflict with them."
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OUR WILLPOWER IS LIMITED
Scientific studies have verified that our willpower is limited. The famous study that showed this was one in which participants were brought into a lab setting and were sat in a room by themselves.
One group of participants had a bowl of radishes placed in front of them. The other group had a plate of warm, chocolate-chip cookies placed in front of them and were told that they couldn't eat any. How cruel!
After sitting in the room with their food for a period of time, the participants were then asked to solve a very challenging puzzle. They had the option to quit if they wanted.
The individuals who were sat in front of the cookies ended up taking longer to solve the puzzle and were more likely to quit in a shorter period of time. Their willpower reserves had been partially depleted from resisting the urge to eat the cookies, and so they had less to use when they were faced with a novel challenge.
In another test, participants were told to eat a number of raw radishes – yuck. These participants quit the fastest. I don't know about you, but eating raw radishes would drain my willpower too.
The bottom line: our willpower can only be used for so long before it is depleted. Like a muscle, there is a point of exhaustion.
OK, SO HOW DO WE GET MORE WILLPOWER?
While it may seem like a difficult thing to expand, your willpower reserves can be grown with conscious effort and the right strategies.
If willpower is like a muscle, then we can strengthen it by pushing it further than it has gone before.
While your ability to exercise willpower over extended periods of time will always be limited to some degree, the goal is to expand your range of willpower so that you have more to call upon when you need it.
5 WAYS TO INCREASE WILLPOWER:
1) Focus on what you DO want, not what you DON'T want.
Try something really quick: Don't think about white bears.
No really, DO NOT think about white bears, whatever you do.
What are you thinking about? Probably white bears.
The mind is a very powerful machine, but it has some significant limits. One of them is that it cannot process a negative command like this – your mind has no choice but to register the concept of "white bears" and bring it into mental focus.
In fact, the more that you DON'T want to focus on white bears, the more you find yourself focusing on them.
So what do you think is happening when you are telling yourself to NOT eat that extra cookie at lunch time that will break your diet?
Or when you are telling yourself to NOT watch another episode on Netflix when you have important work to do?
When you give your mind these commands, you may think that you are pushing your focus away from these temptations, but the fact is that each time you give yourself this command you are implicitly commanding your mind to do the very thing you don't want it to do.
Wherever you direct your focus, your energy will go to. When you think about watching Netflix, you'll want to watch Netflix. But when you are thinking about how good you will look after you've completed 90 days of your diet and work out routine, you will be gravitated towards behaviors that lead you to that outcome.
Don't focus on pushing yourself towards where you want to go; focus on a goal that is so compelling that you feel pulled towards it.
2) Inoculate yourself to temptation.
It is possible to reduce your susceptibility to temptation by exposing yourself to it in small increments over time.
If you are trying to reduce the amount of candy that you eat, for example, you could place a small bowl of candy in a hallway that you walkthrough many times a day.
Each time you say "no" you are increasing your willpower reserves.
Train your "Do Power" as well as your "Don't Power."
There are two main types of willpower: "Do Power" and "Don't Power."
Do Power is what gets you to lean into a challenge and take action even when it doesn't feel convenient.
Don't Power is what you use to keep from doing things that you know you shouldn't. It keeps you from ordering that dessert with dinner or turning on the TV right after work.
In order to maximally increase your willpower, you have to become consciously aware of both of these muscles and use them to your advantage. Seek new challenges to grow them every day, and soon what used to feel difficult will be easy.
3) Meditate
Studies have shown that regular meditation tangibly increases your willpower reserves. The reason is that meditation requires a higher level of conscious attention to your thoughts and behaviors. Additionally, through the act of mediation you are reigning in the focus of your mind and centering it in a direction of your choosing.
The mind is a like a dog. When untrained, it will chase it's own tail and act on impulse. But when it is properly trained, it will come and go wherever you command it to.
Meditation is a great way to increase your willpower because it is easy to do, and even 5 minutes a day can create large results.
4) Redefine your rules.
Although you may not realize it, you live your life by a certain set of rules. These are rules that have likely never been spoken, have never been written, and you are likely unaware of, but you live your life by them all the same.
To learn what your rules are, do this.
First think: do you have any habits that you are trying to shake? Pinpoint exactly what habit it is.
Next, think and write: when do you end up doing the behavior that you are wanting to change? What are all of the times and situations that cause you to act in this way? Think about a typical day, and get very specific.
What you may end up with is something like "every time my coworkers ask me if I want to go smoke a cigarette, I go and smoke a cigarette." Make sure your list is complete.
What you will start to realize is that your behavior is predisposed on environmental stimulus and a conditioned set of reactions. You brain has learned that "when X happens, do Y." Now, the task is to retrain your brain so that "when X happens, do Z."
So the last part of this process is to go back through your list and redefine your rules. Specify exactly what you are going to do under these new circumstances instead of unconsciously falling into your old behaviors again.
Designing an extraordinary life is about moving out a mindset where we are merely reacting to life and moving instead into a mindset where we are intentional and in control of how we live.
5) Nudge your behaviors.
A muscle is grown not by attempting to take on an unbearable weight all at once but through deliberate exposure to increased resistance.
If you take on too much too quickly, you may fail hard and then get discouraged enough to not try again. Real, lasting change is completed only through consistent, deliberate action that continually expands the boundaries of what we are capable of.
You don't have to be perfect, you just have to keep yourself on the path to growth. As you rise to a new level of performance and quality of life, define what the next level will be for you so that your willpower has its next challenge to grow into fulfilling.
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VIDEO TRANSCRIPT
Hi my friend, welcome it's Ty Hicks – Results Coach and National Influence and Leadership Trainer. I'm so excited to have you here. We're going to be talking today about some ways to tangibly improve your willpower, okay, and I like to say your "willpower muscle."
Let me ask you this: have you ever had the experience like you want your life to be one way, you know there are certain things you need to do, but for some reason you can't seem to muster the strength or the will to do them or you know that you really need to do that... You resolve and you say "Okay today is the day..." or "Tomorrow morning, I'm definitely going to wake up. I'm going to go to the gym. I'm going to do these things."
But then as soon as it becomes the time to shine, for some reason that juice is no longer there and you're unsure as to why it is that you can't follow through. Does that sound familiar? Well this little video is going to be the perfect thing for you, because what I want to do is help demystify this idea of will power and help you understand some tangible ways to actually move the needle forward for you so that you can build that muscle and make sure that it serves you in as many ways as possible.
This is one of the things that I had to really come to grips with and master when I was trying to first of all turn my own life around as well as figure out how I was going to serve my one-on-one coaching clients in the highest level possible. And I realized that this element of willpower is critical for us to understand if we actually want to move our lives forward in business, in our finances, in our health, right?
All of these important areas require us having the ability to step up and do what is necessary even when it's inconvenient or when we don't necessarily feel like doing so. So let's dive in on some concrete strategies that you're going to be able to use to improve this area of your life. So first of all let's talk about what will power is, because I think there's a couple of misconceptions around what it is and how it's used.
So the definition that I like to use for willpower is the ability to delay short term gratification for longterm gain. And I can't think of anything that epitomizes the essence of willpower better than the infamous Marshmallow Test. So if you have not heard of the Marshmallow Test, I recommend you look into it.
The Marshmallow Test was devised as a way to see if determining whether or not a kid was able to resist eating a marshmallow for a given period of time for the promise of a second marshmallow... if their ability to pass that test would have any consequences for them later on in life. So they would sit a kid down in the study room. They would have a marshmallow in front of them.
They would say "okay, great you can have this marshmallow. You can eat it if you want to. I have to leave the room for five minutes. I'll be back, and if the marshmallow is still there I will give you a second marshmallow." So the kid now has the choice of either eating the first marshmallow now or delaying the gratification for a longterm gain. Interestingly, what they found out was that the kids that were able to delay gratification the longest were the individuals who, when they followed up with them 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 years later have the highest scores on their SAT's.
They got into the top colleges. They had the highest grades. They ended up getting higher paying jobs. They ended up being more successful in life in almost every area. So this essence of willpower is very critical. If we do not develop this muscle, whether it's at a young age or at an older age, it's going to affect us in very significant ways as I'm sure you can relate in your own personal circumstances.
So the ability to delay short term gratification for longterm gain. So your entire life is filled with marshmallows, but they're of a different variety, right? I mean are you going to go to the gym or are you going to turn on Netflix, right? Netflix becomes the marshmallow or simply just not going to the gym becomes the marshmallow.
Are we going to wake up and get up and get excited about life or we going to hit the snooze button – that becomes a marshmallow, right? Your life is filled with thousands of little marshmallow tests throughout every single day, and they're all testing whether or not you're going to give in to the short term gratification now or if you are willing to do what is necessary even if it's inconvenient in order to better the circumstances of your future self.
So that's what we're talking about here, and that's what we're focused on trying to get better. Now another definition that we might be able to say which I actually like probably even more is "the ability to act in accordance with your values when your impulses conflict with your values." So, in other words, if for instance you value health – you've told yourself "look, being in shape, losing weight, being healthy, those are priorities of mine." "That's a value that I have." "That's something I want to honor."
That might be something that you feel deeply, intrinsically. Now the question is going to be when it comes time to go to the gym do you do it? Now, when you do do it, when you do muster the willpower and you actually do it and you push through the workout and you don't give up early and you actually make it happen, at the end of the workout you probably feel fantastic, right?
You probably feel deeply fulfilled because you have acted in accordance with your values. However, when you tell yourself that health and energy and all those things are things you value, and you know you need to go to the gym but instead you stay home and watch Netflix, you probably don't feel too good about yourself at the end of the day, right Because you acted in a way that was more convenient but it was not congruent with your values.
So willpower is not just about us figuring out how to be brutishly able to push through the challenges of life, right? We're not just learning how to become thicker skinned. We're actually learning how to remove friction in a very real sense because we're learning how to remove hesitation from our life. We're learning how to see an insight, see an impulse... a proactive impulse, that is, that's goal oriented and to take action on it; to not let our self critical mind step in, piece apart the decision and get us paralyzed from taking action.
And I know you can relate to what I'm talking about here, right? So what we want to do is figure out how you can become the master of your circumstances, how you can become the joyous master of your circumstances, and how you can remove that friction from that process; how you can know when you need to do something and just do it and go and take action on it immediately. That's what we're going for here.
Alright, so let's talk about these five strategies that are going to help you do exactly that. So first of all, the one thing that you've got to be able to understand about willpower is it's limited. Meaning, it's like a muscle. So you can train it, you can grow the muscle, but at any given time you only have so much willpower, and they have proven this beyond a shadow of a doubt.
One quick example is judges who consider trials give more favorable sentences to individuals that they hear the cases of earlier in the day. As they hear cases later in the day their ability to pay attention, to parse through the details, and the ability to make just rulings diminishes. And it's nothing against judges. It's just a a scientific fact about willpower in the human brain.
They've also found that if you have a bowl of steaming hot cookies right in front of you and you are not allowed to eat them, that your will power will be diminished later on and your ability to persist in written tests has actually gone down. So when you use up willpower in one instance, you're not able to use it in an instance immediately following that. But again, you can overall increase your range of will power, and that's what we're going for.
So let's talk about how willpower actually works. So the one thing that you need to understand about willpower is there is a hot system and there's a cool system in your brain. Ok, this is the easiest way to think of it. The hot system is when you see that marshmallow and all of a sudden you're activated – your system is hot, meaning you want to take action.
The impulse is there. You want to go forward towards the impulse. So what we've got to be able to do it is we have to be able to cool down the hot system, and we also have to heat up the cool system. The cool system means looking at that marshmallow test and realizing "Well, wait a minute. But if I don't eat the marshmallow, I'll actually be able to get a second marshmallow later."
That's not necessarily the hot temptation, right? That's a little less immediate. That's a little more removed. That might be something that you may not want to do so much. You may actually want to just go for that first marshmallow. So what we've got to be able to do is cool that hot system, right? Cool the system that's telling you you want to be immediately gratified. And we've got to heat up the cool system so that you get excited and compelled about actually moving towards the thing that you do want to manifest.
So let me give you another metaphor so you can understand a little bit about how the brain works. If I were to tell you "don't think about white bears," what do you think about immediately? You cannot help but think about white bears. So what we want to do in a situation where we have to exercise our willpower, is you do not want to focus on the thing that you don't want yourself to do. Instead, you need to direct your focus towards the thing that you do want to do.
So, for instance if we're talking about the Marshmallow Test, you would not want to stare directly at the marshmallow, think about how juicy it is, think about how good it's going to taste, and think to yourself "Don't eat the marshmallow. Don't eat the marshmallow." That's not helpful, because you're actually focusing on the thing that you don't want to do, and what you're doing is you are activating your hot system.
So you're making it more likely that your brain is going to act on the hot system and take action with it. Does that make sense to you? Now what we want to do instead is you need to direct your focus on the two marshmallows, okay? So let's talk about health and the gym, right. For instance, when people are considering whether or not to go to the gym, they tend to think about being tired, getting their clothes ready, you know, being sweating in front of strangers, right?
All the things that they don't want to do. So they are thinking about literally all the things they don't want to do about that situation as opposed to thinking about how good you're going to feel when the workout is over, losing that weight, and fitting into your slim jeans, looking good in front of your husband or wife, right?
All of the things that would compel you to get excited about going to the gym are typically the furthest from our mind. So the big, first insight you've got to understand is you've got to take notice of what is your hot system in a given situation, what is your cool system – what are your two choices, right? 1) Short term gratification. 2) Longterm gratification over here, right?
So you need to cool down what is hot, and you need to heat up what it is cool and make that one more exciting to you. And then all of a sudden when your focus is oriented on that it will be that much more easy to exercise the willpower that you need to do it. It won't even feel like you're actually doing a lot of work. It will feel like you're moving towards the thing you naturally want to move towards. Does that make sense?
And let me give you one final metaphor that I think will clear this up for you. So if you're driving down an icy patch of road and your car starts to spin out of control, what is tempting is that you want to look at the tree or the telephone pole that you're worried you're going to hit. It's very tempting to want to look at where you don't want to go. But the problem is when you look at where you don't want to go, your mind, your body, every resource that you have available to you literally steers you directly into that telephone pole.
They've done studies on this and have shown that when your focus is oriented in the place, even if you don't want to go there, that's where you end up driving to automatically. But instead If you are able to turn your head consciously away from the impulse and you're able to look at where you actually want to go then now all of a sudden your mind, your body, your nervous system, everything, your full focus is able to direct you consciously and unconsciously to where you want to go – to safety that is. So similarly, what you want to understand about this whole situation is "wherever your focus goes, energy flows" as Tony Robbins would say, right. Meaning, if you're focused on how juicy that marshmallow is, if you're focused on how good it would feel to just watch Netflix, that's what you're going to do, but instead if you're focused on the two marshmallows or you're focused on how good you're going to look as soon as you get in shape for your wedding photos, then that becomes the thing you become compelled to do.
So if you learn how to master this process, then you start to learn how to master the essence of willpower. I hope that make sense. It's going to take practice for you to get really good at this, but that's the basic big picture that you need to have. So focus on what you do want, not what you don't want. That's strategy number one. Alright, number two. You need to become better at inoculating yourself to temptation, okay?
So, believe it or not you can actually train your willpower muscle to resist temptation on a regular basis. So they did a study. What they did is if you take a small bowl of candy – if that's your vice, let's say – let's say you're just popping a lot of candy throughout the day. If you put a small bowl of candy out we're it's, maybe not like right in front of you but you can see, it's viewable, or you have to pass it in the hallway many times.
What you will be able to do is you'll be able to start training your "don't muscle," okay? So when we think of the context of your willpower muscle, think that you have a "do muscle" and a "don't muscle." Your "do muscle" is the muscle that gets you to do the things you don't necessarily want to do right up front.
You're don't muscle is your ability to say no to those temptations and impulses. So what you do when you have your bowl of candy or you have that small temptation around, provided it's not a super hot temptation, right, is you literally get better at training your "don't muscle." So you literally are able to walk past the candy and you say "don't, don't, don't" and it becomes better and easier for you until it's not even much of a problem. So in the context of your situation – of whatever you're trying to apply your willpower to – you need to think of a way that you're going to be able to train your "don't muscle" or your "do muscle" so that you can inoculate yourself to temptation.
But if you do this, you increase your willpower overtime, okay? It's a very powerful strategy. Alright number three. Meditation is scientifically demonstrated to increase people's ability to demonstrate willpower. Now it may seem like a wonky thing. You might think "how in the world is that possible?"
But here's how it's possible. Meditation...okay... Get rid of your conceptions of what it is. Maybe you meditate regularly. Chances are that you don't, okay. But a lot of people have a weird feeling about meditation. They think it's a little woo woo stuff. They're not sure what it actually can provide benefits for. But I'm telling you meditation is actually one of the most common activities of high performers throughout the entire world, okay.
Meditation does a lot of really exciting things for you. It helps you be less anxious. It helps you calm your thoughts. It helps you get intentional about your your days. It helps you feel more grateful and more resourceful. But in the context of willpower what they have found is people who meditate regularly are able to demonstrate higher degrees of willpower, because when you are meditating what you're doing is you are bringing your attention and your focus to one channel.
You are dedicating your focus to your breath. So an easy way to do this if you're new to it is just simply breathe deeply, and as you breathe deeply count your breath. Okay, so as you breathe in deeply you would follow your breath all the way in, and you would bring your attention to your breath and follow it all the way up, and you would count silently "one."
And then you would breathe out and follow your breath all the way down – bring your attention to your breath all the way down – and count "two." And then you would do this, and I do this up to a hundred breaths typically is my standard meditation. That ends up being about eight or nine minutes. So it's a nice little small period of time. Now if you lose count just start over.
That's the whole point. Don't beat yourself up. Eventually you'll be able to count to a hundred breaths and maintain a centered composure with no problem whatsoever, and what this does... Because you're literally training your mind to be focused in one spot, it enables you to have that much more control over your focus and your willpower. Try it; it works, I'm telling you. Look, now you might be thinking "well that's something that works for somebody else.
Maybe it works. Maybe it doesn't. But I don't really want to do it." Okay, well look here's the real challenge for you. Do you want to keep pretending that you have all the answers, or do you actually want to model what has been proven to be successful? Right? My suggestion is you do the ladder. Amateurs believe that they don't need a coach.
All of the most successful and talented performers in the world are the ones that are getting their advice and strategies from individuals who know what's up, okay. So try it out. That's my challenge to you. Number four: redefine your rules. Now, this is a concrete strategy that I'm going to ask you to do right now so you can pause this video as we go through this and actually take action with us 'cause don't fool yourself. You're not going to do it later on. You need to do it right now.
So here's a strategy that I use with my one-on-one clients that you can use as well. It's very powerful. So let's say that you're trying to go to the gym. I've been using that example a lot. I'll just stick with it for consistency's sake. So you are trying to wake up every morning, not hit your snooze button, and go to the gym. So, first of all, the first step in doing this is you want to figure out what your current stimuli – let's call it actually cause and effect. You want to figure out what your current cause and effect patterns are.
So, for example, your current cause and effect patterns might be wake up, hit snooze. Hear the second alarm, hit snooze a second time. Realize I really have to get up now, get up. That might be your cause and effect pattern. And then it also may be wake up and realize that I don't have enough time to go to the gym so just go to work and claim I'm going to do it the next day.
That might be your standard morning cause and effect pattern. So now what we want to do is we want to redefine your rules, meaning we want you to create an if, then plan for the next time that cause or the stimuli emerges, and you're going to create a new intentionally designed if, then plan for how you're going to act now in response, okay. So for example, "instead of waking up and hitting snooze, I will wake up and immediately get out of bed and brush my teeth."
Now, I highly recommend that you tie a specific action to getting out of bed immediately, because the problem is most people get up, they look at their phone, they look at their alarm, and they don't have an immediate thing to take action on. They don't start taking action immediately, and so they stall out and they fall back in bed; they just end up snoozing.
So you don't want to do that. What you want to do is you want to say okay, as opposed to waking up and snoozing, "when I wake up, I will immediately go to the bathroom and brush my teeth." That is an if, then plan. That is a redefinition of your rules – the rules that you've been living by. Now, they've actually done studies on this if, then planning, and it turns out that if you create an intentional if, then plan especially if you rehearse it and you become mindful of it before you're going to do it, you greatly increase your chances of actually following through on the plan.
So it's a very helpful exercise for you to do. Now the next one could be... So now you've woken up and you've gone and brushed your teeth. Now you can say "after I brush my teeth, put on my gym clothes and go to the gym," right? Or whatever it is. But you need to tie a specific action or specific stimuli to then going to the gym. Redefine your rules.
Create an intentional if, then plan for your rules. Does that make sense? The way you're doing this is you're kind of, you're bringing an extra layer of awareness to your activity, and doing that alone will make you that much more likely to modify your existing, limiting habits. It's a very, very powerful thing to do. Try it out. Redefine your rules. And you can do this for your whole day.
If you've got many habits that you want to reform, then create an if, then plan for each one of them. It's very powerful. Okay, number five. This is our last one, and this is what I want to leave you with because I think it's a very important thing to put it in context of how you're going to change a lot of these behaviors.
A lot of times people think that in order for them to change their life they need some huge dramatic change, that they have to go cold turkey on something and they have to go in a completely opposite direction than where they've been going for a very long time. Okay, well that's not exactly how the brain works. The way the brain works is through conditioning.
And so if you've conditioned yourself to be ingrained with the like destructive or limiting, current habitual pattern, you're not going to be able to easily just completely uproot that. And I don't want to give you that advice. Because what's going to happen is you're going to think you're just going to totally uproot it, and then you go and you fail, and then all of a sudden you're going to go "well, what the hell was the use?" "Why did I even try that in the first place?" And you're just going to feel more helpless.
So here's the concept that I want to leave you with. You want to nudge your behaviors a little bit further down the field each time, okay? So for example, maybe you're snoozing for 30 minutes. Okay, well maybe what you need to do is you don't need to stop snoozing. You just now need to snooze for 20 minutes.
Maybe that would be a much easier thing for your nervous system to get acclimated to than to stop snoozing all together all at once. And that might be a more easy way for you to create lasting change in that area, okay. So that's maybe a way that you modify that. Maybe you don't need to go full tilt on a new diet.
Maybe you just need to cut out one specific food that is really your vice, and you need to modify that or reduce it or cut out that one specific thing but allow yourself to eat other things. That's honestly how I reigned in my diet years ago is I cut out specific foods at a time 'cause if I would have tried to cut out everything all at once, then it wouldn't have been good. Let's think of another example. I give you the example of having the little bowl of candies out, right?
And slowly you're going to nudge your behavior. You know, maybe you have one throughout the day whereas you previously would have grabbed a handful of five. Okay, so you're modifying your behavior. You're bringing more intentionality and awareness to the behaviors, and that's how you're going to be able to nudge them in the right direction. That's how our nervous system adjusts. That's how we're able to change time in and time out. So what I want to leave you with is a quote. The quote is from Aristotle. He had said "We are what we repeatedly do... Excellence then it is not an act, but a habit."
You can create excellent habits by nudging your behaviors and by growing your willpower muscle every single day. It is possible. People have done it. You can do it just like they did. My next video I want you to keep an eye out for because I'm going to be talking to you about 6 Steps to Create Lasting Motivation. I'm sure you've probably had an instance in your life where you got motivated, you got excited, and then it went away.
So I want to show you some of the science of how motivation actually works. How it's created in the mind, how it goes away, and how we can get it to last, okay. So you can feel excited and passionate on a regular basis, and you can maintain that motivation to follow through on these activities that you're starting to turn around so keep an eye out for that. I hope you enjoyed these five strategies to increase your willpower. Thanks for being with me. I'm so excited to see you in the next one. Have a good one.
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